I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Randomize
