my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
