you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
