i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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