I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
