Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
