He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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