they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
