Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
