So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
