The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
