Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
