I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
