i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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