I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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