Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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