Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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