New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
