therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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