I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
