So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
