i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
