I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
