I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
