Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
