ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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