I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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