I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
