I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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