Me too!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
