Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
