I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize