If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
