I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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