I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
