Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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