i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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