Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
