Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
