he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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