Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
