remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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