she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
