my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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