Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
