awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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