We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
