Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Randomize
