Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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