I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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