you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
