worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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