do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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