It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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