i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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