my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
