billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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