if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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