I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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