You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
