I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
