there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
