she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize