I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
