Welp...herpes.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
